we can only speak of hope

• 2011-05-10

  

  here we go.

• 2011-05-04

  Philippians 3. Righteousness Through Faith in Christ.

  Look out for the dogs, look out for the evildoers, look out for those who mutilate the flesh. For we are the circumcision, who worship by the Spirit of God and glory in Christ Jesus and put no confidence in the flesh—though I myself have reason for confidence in the flesh also. If anyone else thinks he has reason for confidence in the flesh, I have more: circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; as to the law, a Pharisee; as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to righteousness under the law, blameless. But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ.Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith—that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.

  Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. Only let us hold true to what we have attained.

• 2011-05-01

  

• 2011-04-21

  You make beautiful things out of us.

  I have asked myself, and God many times why it is that He would send me to a place like San Francisco and ask me to love these women and live among the poor when I dont feel like i have enough compassion, or just plain passion for that matter. I have gotten it in my head that it is a certain type of person that He has made that is better suited for that kind of work and that kind of environment, probably a much more responsible person.

  The truth is though, none of us have enough compassion, or patience, or even faith at some times to love others, to walk out the gospel with our lives, to live in a fruitful community. No one is created to be self sufficient in these areas. And that is the point, that none of us can boast in our strengths because none of us have any strength that isnt given to us by Christ. Which gives me a lot of hope.

  I spend so much time comparing my strengths to others, but it is not their own strength working in them that i am seeing, its is Christs. I shouldnt look at them and think, “Wow, they are so efficient, or creative, or wise.” I should instead think, “Wow God, look how You have decided to work through that person. Look how you have decided to make something beautiful out of something that is broken.”

  I know that is true of every person that is following Christ. There comes a day when you realize that the call God calls his disciples to is far bigger than yourself. It is far beyond your abilities to accomplish. You realize that from within yourself you do not have the ability to be the super missionary that you would have to be in order to successfully love and bring the life changing truth of Jesus to the people around you.

  It is at that moment that you count up the cost and you make a decision. You either throw in the towel and do something else, or you get on your knees and cry out to the Lord saying “The cost is so great and the need is so huge, but Lord i believe and trust that You are bigger.” The prayer is not, “Lord make up where I am lacking,” because without Christ we lack everything. The prayer instead is “Lord provide it all! Provide everything to me! I am nothing and have nothing without you!” That is the position i desire my heart to be in.

  I dont need to lose heart over my weaknesses. I dont need to lose heart over the job in front of me. I know that my Father is a good Father and He would not lead me somewhere and then leave me to fend for myself because He knows that i would surely fail.

  No one, not one, posesses the strength and ability it takes to be in full time ministry, but as followers and lovers of Jesus, we get up in the morning and walk out confidently in Christ, because there is none to be found in ourselves. And then everything that happens from their is in His hands. We do not have to be discouraged because when we are giving ourselves over as instrauments to be used for His glory, we can be sure that whatever happens to us or whatever troubles may come, it is not in vain.

• 2011-04-03

  

  “Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should be taken away from me. But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weakness, insults, hardships, persecution, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong” -2 Corinthains 12:8-10

  This passage where Paul talks about the thorn in his flesh that was given to him to keep him from being too elated about all the revelations the Lord was giving him, was something that I always sort of skimmed over. I never really understood how weakness made you strong. And how in the world could Paul manage to say that he had grown to be content in his weaknesses?

  If the past 3 weeks have taught me anything, it is that I am not awesome. I am weak, and sinful, and I need help from my Savior. Between trying to raise support to go back to San Francisco, falling back into mistakes I thought I left behind long ago, lacking the self confidence to live as the righteous and beloved daughter that the Lord says I am, and asking God continually to show me the grace that I have failed to give out to others, I have found myself on my knees more times than I can count.

  Often times in my crying out, I ask for an easier load. I ask for the feelings of fear, insecurity, or weakness to leave me. But lately I have heard a similar voice to the one Paul heard. In my fear and my weakness I realize that I am utterly dependent on God to have and do any good. I am dependent upon him for my joy, for my righteousness, and my very life. In these moments when I see clearly my faults and limitations, I also see how great and glorious and lovely my Savior looks when held up against my rags. And slowly, I begin to understand how my weakness is my gain. For it is when I am aware of my limitations that my eyes can see more clearly that I serve a loving God who not only is limitless in His power and righteousness, but also delights to shower grace and love over my weak and weary soul.

  While the constant reminder that I am not able to take care of myself can be a hard one, I can be content in my weakness, because I know that it is there that I am most aware that God is in control, and I am not.

  In every season of joy, or fear, or chaos, there is a reason to give praise.

• 2010-12-22

  

  no feeling is familiar to me. i start and end each day feeling less and less like who im comfortable with being. i feel awkward and undone. it would do me good to stop fighting God for rags when he wants to give me riches.

• 2010-12-21

  

  it’s easier than i’m making it. it’s everything i’ve asked for.

• 2010-12-13

  These things I remember, as I pour out my soul: how I would go with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God with glad shouts and songs of praise. Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.

• 2010-12-07

  

  Feeling frail. My bones cling to my flesh. In a dry and weary land my flesh faints for you Lord.

  Whatever I wanted to be, wherever I wanted go, or whatever I wanted to do, all I want now is You. Wherever I will get the most of You, that’s where I want to be. If I never worked another day in my life, if I never preached to another person, if I never saw anyone else get healed or anyone else get saved, if all I had for the rest of my life was to sit alone in a room with You, that would be enough. You are my very breath of life. I am weak and weary and burdened. I wake up most mornings and feel like I have nothing to give, no passion to feed off of, no inspiration to speak from. There is nothing new. All I have at the end of the day is what I know, and what I know to be true is Your steadfast love and mercy and constant pursuit of me. I’ll be weak, and weary, and burdened if at the end there is more of You.

• 2010-11-23

  

  I will remain steadfast, because Your love is steadfast.

  I will remain faithful, because You are faithful.

  I will remain secure, because my hope is in You.